DO AS I SAY NOT AS I DO
When you become a mother you realize more than ever that you are not a perfect person. Somehow all of your flaws and all of your sins and shortcomings seem to be put on display as if they were in a storefront window. As if having all of your flaws paraded in front of your face wasn't bad enough, you also end up seeing your worst self re-enacted by your children.
I can't begin to tell you how many times I have been scolding my kids for their "bad behavior" while having the internal struggle and realization that they learned that behavior from me.
It is the cutest thing in the world when you see your kids playing and you hear them say things that you have often said to them (in hopes that your teachings would stick). Unfortunately, the opposite also happens and you see them get uncontrollably angry the way you get angry at them, or give up like you gave up on that project, or repeat the phrase "I look like crap today" because they heard you talking to yourself in the mirror the day before. It is very humbling sometimes to see the portrayal of yourself through the eyes of the innocent.
The phrase "Do As I Say and Not As I Do" is not something that should be taught to our children. It does not say anything good about our character. Saying this phrase often becomes an excuse for us to teach what is right but exclude ourselves from the teaching. You send the message to your kids that what you are teaching is not right for everyone and you are above the rules. You definitely don't want your children to develop this attitude for themselves in the future. Our lives are constantly on display, under a microscope, being studying and reproduced. We are NOT perfect and our littles are soaking up everything. You can't be perfect so how can you fix this? What do you do?
We need to use the realization that we are not perfect to fuel us to become a better person. We can choose to be adamant about changing and growing ourselves. Our actions will always speak louder than words. We need to set the example for our kids of someone that works hard to do better, we need to show them that we are also trying to follow our own teachings and that we hold ourselves to the same standards we are asking them to live up to.
When we do mess up, which we inevitably do, we can use those moments to show our kids that no one is perfect and we all mess up. We can use our mistakes as learning lessons for our kids. Lessons that show them that they will mess up sometimes and show them how to deal with, handle, and grow from those mess ups instead of hiding or running from them.
My daughters have recently developed the bad habit of running away when they mess up. We are very intentional about teaching our daughters right from wrong and how to make good choices instead of bad ones. Throughout the day it is inevitable that a crown will get stolen, the favorite toy for the day isn't big enough to share, their sister's very being drives them crazy, etc. In any of the situations they have the habit of getting mad at each, yelling at each other, and someone usually hits the other. The funny part is, immediately after messing up they run away and hide because they know they are going to get in trouble for it. Occasionally they will lie if we ask them about it. The main lesson that my husband and I teach is not how bad it is that they did wrong (although that is definitely addressed) but rather our disappointment that they didn't handle it well. We remind them that we are sad they made a bad choice but we are more upset that they ran and hid or that they lied. We tell them it's okay to make a mistake but what is most important is that they make it right and learn from it. I don't want my children to be afraid of making mistakes but I want them to learn and grow into better people.
Monkey see, monkey do. In trying to set a better example for my kids, I have to ask myself what areas of my life am I not making good choices in? In what areas of my life am I running and hiding from or ignoring the bad choices I have made? Am I really trying to right my wrongs? Maybe I should speak kinder words to myself in the mirror, maybe I should push through and complete that project I started, maybe I should walk away when I get angry or refrain from lashing out in anger. Maybe we should live up to the same standards we expect our kids to live up to and show them how to become the people they are supposed to be.
We are all works in progress, not one is complete, nor perfect but we can have hope because.......
"I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."
Phillipians 1:6
Let's become parents that teach " Do as I sa
