NUGGETS FOR NEW MOMS
I have recently had several friends that are becoming parents for the first time. Many have asked me for my stories, experiences, and advice as I am currently just adding my third under three. I find myself completely in love with helping each new mom and desiring to be there for them in anyway possible. I KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE ! I wish I had more people with experience to tell me the raw real details when I had my first. Plenty of people were willing to give advice but they all seemed to be the same piece of generic advice. If you want the real stuff here are just a few nuggets to start .........
Nugget 1: Hormones are real! All through the pregnancy and at least a full year after having the baby, you feel completely subject to your emotions. Hormones change a lot throughout the course of pregnancy and birth. It is pretty common for people to tell you that you may cry for no reason, but what they don't tell you is that you may be subject to bouts of anger, mood swings, self doubt or hate. They don't tell you that your husband may not believe that hormones are responsible and may think that you are blaming the hormones so you can act however you want. You definitely don't hear about how once you have the baby everything doesn't just magically go back to the way things were before. You still feel lost, trying to gain your life back, and continue to have mood swings and hormone crazes. You may feel inadequate and depressed and have dark thoughts. You are NOT alone in this and fighting your body is hard and real. ITS OKAY TO GET HELP. I encourage you to find a community of other moms that can be a safe place for you to be real. This community could look like a wide variety of things. This group could be a Facebook group, or a mommy and me class, a bible study, or simply a neighbor or good friend that you talk with regularly. You also need to realize that you WILL NEVER get your old life back. Having the baby means that things have permanently shifted and your life will never look the same. You may still do or experience things you did before but the entire world looks different now and its a GOOD thing. The sooner you let go and appropriately grieve (yes grieve because you are experiencing loss) your former life the sooner you will be able to move forward and appreciate the new life you have been given.
Nugget #2: You Were Made for This! No one tells you that you will feel scared and inadequate when figuring out how to take care of another human. The reality that you are responsible for bringing up another human to be good, Godly, loving, etc. hits you HARD!! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS?! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE DOING! The answer is reminding yourself, constantly, of the truth. You are not alone in feeling this way first of all, and secondly, you were made for this!!! God specifically made you and selected you to be the parent of your child. NO ONE else was created to parent your child and you were made with everything you need to be the best parent for your kid! Your feelings may lie to you and tell you otherwise, but the truth is, God trusts you immensely because He entrusted you with his very precious child. Having the desire to be a good or great mom is already proof enough that you are a good mom because you cherish what has been given to you and you understand the weight of your task. God will get you through EVERY time, every situation, every hurdle. Believe that you truly are the great mom God created you to be.
Nugget #3: Birth Plans Change. While it is good to have an idea of what you want for your labor, do not get fixated on it. The actual birth NEVER goes 100% the way you plan for it to go EVER! Birth is messy and something is always going to change. Sure you can advocate for what you want and visualize what kind of birth you want to have but something will always be different or unplanned. Just prepare yourself for that.
Nugget #4: What you pray is what will stay It may not look like exactly what you pictured, but when you pray over your child you are speaking things into being. Praying over your child is powerful. When you pray specifics and speak over your baby things like " you will be joyful and wise and full of life" you are speaking those things into being. Remember though, that those things are great to pray for and will come to be but may look different in the early stages. Wise may look like mischievous, full of life may look like super energetic and can't sit still, and joyful may look like overly silly and can't focus, but in the end these things will develop into the godly virtues you prayed for. The more you speak over your child and command things to life the more you will be a part of developing and growing your child into the man or woman God wants them to be. (Just remember this works in reverse as well. If you speak negatively over your children those things come to be as well.)
Nugget #5: It is NOT selfish to take care of yourself. When you are busy meeting the demands of a screaming newborn you might forget something very important....YOU. Between the sleepless nights, the constant crying, and crazy feeding schedules, things like showers, makeup, and naps seem like things of the past. It may not seem like there is time for you and that if you did stop to take care of yourself you would be selfish for doing so. This is a lie. It is actually better for your entire family if you take the time to take care of yourself. YOU ARE IMPORTANT. When you fight for time and take care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, you are making yourself healthy enough so that you can take care of those around you.
Nugget #6: This too shall pass. This is something my wise mother-in-law has always told me when I struggle with motherhood. It is exactly what it sounds like. Whatever you are struggling with and whatever you are going through is just a season. It will not last forever and you will get through it! So whatever difficulties you are currently facing just tell yourself, "This too shall pass" and remember that what you are facing won't last and you can and will get through this and you WILL be okay.
