PRIDE DRAGON
I'll start off with a confession.....I struggle with pride. I used to think that I didn't have an issue with this simply because I was pretty good at taking care of people and I didn't think I was better than them. By my definition, this meant I was doing alright. Pride takes many different forms though. When someone points something out (true or not) that evokes anger within you, that may be a good indicator you have some pride in that area. No one wants to think that they struggle with this but we all do.
God has really worked on this area in my life and my "pride center" keeps getting poked by people (most often the people that I love the most). It's like poking a sleeping dragon.......you are gonna wake it, and it won't be in a good mood when it shows its face. I have prayed for patience and humility so many times and yet it is still a struggle. When you ask for these things it doesn't just automatically happen but rather you are presented with more opportunities to practice these traits. Yes , that means when we pray for humility, God gives us circumstances in which pride wants to rear its ugly head and we have to choose to practice humility or show the dragon faced pride. Many times I don't come out on the winning side of the humility battle myself. *sigh*
I have been trying to go deeper into the Word and have been doing more Bible studies than ever and trying to take care of my health by working out, getting better sleep, reading, etc. I recently found myself feeling pretty good about my efforts. I had just completed a week of workouts, bible reading, and other good habits. I was so excited that I started to tell my husband how much I had accomplished.....ooops. A few hours later, where did I find myself? In the middle of a screaming battle with my husband. I was trying to prepare dinner, the kids were screaming, he kept getting in my way, and I was so worked up and stressed that I blew up !!! BOOM!!! In an instant everything I seemed to have accomplished got blown up by my lack of self control. I realized that I was not exhibiting humility and was not putting everything I had learned into practice.
How in the world do we continue to learn and grow, to be healthy physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually in private and get that private growth to be exhibited in our public life and relationships? How do we hold it together and keep getting better? I don't fully know the answer but I do know what I can do to try and get better.
I'm going to keep going. I'm going to keep trying. I'm going to give myself grace and ask God for forgiveness even when others won't. I know that I need to slow down and let what I am learning sink in and slowly but surely keep putting those things into practice. When we mess up, a big key to change, is recognizing it and trying to correct it. Sometimes the good things worth fighting for are not a race to a finish line but rather a slow dedicated process to obtain. Dedication is a necessary choice we must make. Perseverance and belief in yourself to keep working and to keep improving will help you complete the task of fighting the pride dragon.
